Long-distance relationships

This week's question from Out Late But Great is: Given the smaller dating pool in the LGBTQ community, would you consider or have you been in a long-distance relationship? What advice would you give to someone in an LDR?

This one has been difficult for me. I've been mulling over the question for days. As someone who has been in one failed long-distance relationships and no successful ones, I'm not really sure I'm qualified to speak on the subject. But I suppose I can talk about what I've learned.

Shortly after joining the online community Second Life, I met Derec (his SL name) and we really hit it off. We were from opposite sides of the globe, but we dated online: we went dancing, hung out on the beach, and did lots of other fun stuff together in Second Life. We had a great time when we saw each other. But then he would disappear for weeks, and I wouldn't hear anything from him. I finally did what he had done long before - give up on the relationship.

So what did I learn about LDR's? First and foremost, keeping up communication is essential. While this is true in any relationship, it is especially true when you don't get to see each other regularly. Write an email (even if it's a short one), make a phone call, send a letter…do something to communicate with each other every day.  Otherwise, it's just like giving your partner the silent treatment  - they know something's wrong, but they have no idea what it might be. The distance adds another aspect: your partner won't know that you aren't hospitalized, or worse, and that can be very distressing.

Saying exactly what you mean in your communications is also critical. In an email, there are no non-verbal cues to go by to determine the real meaning of a message. A message that says "I'm fine" can mean they're fine, or they're ready to cry/yell at you/leave/whatever, and there's almost no way to know.

Guess I really don't have anything more to say. Looking back on what I have, to me it looks tainted with the hard feelings left over from my LDR gone bad. I hope I haven't come across as cynical or bitter! I've known plenty of people who have had successful long-distance relationships, and they're not easy, but they can work.